


Wendip Week 2017 Day 6: Fake Relationship

by nautiscarader



Series: Nautiscarader's Wendip Week 2017 [6]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: F/M, This will probably feel rushed, and way too many dialogues, there's a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 03:30:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11683092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nautiscarader/pseuds/nautiscarader
Summary: Wendy and Dipper help stop a criminal, while also confronting their feelings towards each other.





	Wendip Week 2017 Day 6: Fake Relationship

\- Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to another episode of Coup de Couple! The TV show where pairs can test their *looove* and possibly get utterly humiliated in front of the live TV audience! And today's contestants are: John and Hannah from New York, New York! Oh, good old Sinatra, can't go wrong with him, can we? Second couple: Dipper and Wendy from Gravity Falls, Oregon! I do wonder what trail did you meet on? Ha, ha... And last, but not least Hermenegilde-Rosalia and Gottfried Gottfriedietovych from Classified, Information. Well, that just asks for *more* quest- No? ...alright then. Which one of these lovey-dovey couples is going to be victorious? You'll find out soon!  
  
\- Dipper... how did we get into this mess? - Wendy whispered through her teeth, nervously waving her arm at the audience, while the excited hosts kept running back and forth on the stage doing his extravagant spiel.  
\- You know, I'm not entirely sure this is real, Wendy. - Dipper replied, mimicking her monotone moves, trying with his might to remember what put them in this predicament. 

* * *

  
  
\- It's on, it's on, it's on!  
  
Bouncing up and down on the couch in the living room, the voice of Mabel Pines quickly alerted other inhabitants (permanent or not) of the Mystery Shack.

\- Mabel, what's the hurry?

Dipper peeked from the kitchen, only to be pushed aside by his grunkle who seemed to be equally interested in the show Mabel was watching. From the opposite side of the shack came Soos, rushing through the front door, filling the vast majority of the couch.

\- It's "Coup de Couple"! It's the newest show for romantic couples, Dip! Not that *you*'d be interested in it. - Mabel snorted, without even so much as looking away from the screen.  
\- Oh, don't be too harsh, Mabel. Hey, Dipper, you gotta watch this. These dorks have to go through all these silly challenges and whatnot, and it's always the funniest part when they start arguing who's to blame when they lose. They all start with "Ooh, I love you, smoochykins", and end up like two cats after a fight. It's hilarious!  
\- And I'm watching for the product placement to make up for the ads I don't see on my computer. - Soos added - It always makes me so feel so guilty. I'd feel awful if someone kept blocking me all the time... But then I hear the jingles on the TV and everything is fine!  
  
Neither of the three responses fully convinced Dipper that his time is worth watching the show, but the stares of Stan, Mabel and Soos slowly pulled him towards the only remaining space on the couch, its arm. Stan's description of the show matched it pretty well; the couples on the show were forced to test their feelings toward each other through a series of questions, challenges, obstacle runs and alike. And indeed, the funniest part of the show was the couples bickering or throwing insults at each other for their failures.

\- How do they count who won? I don't see any points.  
\- Pfh! Silly Dipper, you and your nerdy numbers. The only thing that counts is looove! - Mabel mocked her brother. - And look, that's how they do it.  
  
Only now Dipper saw three columns behind each couple's back filled with outrageously pink liquid. As the announcer declared winners and losers of yet another round, the levels of the fluid lowered or raised, according to their place.

\- Oh no! Anna and Drake lost "a lot", but Vicky and Randall got "a tidbit"! That's so unfair. They should have won. - Mabel crossed her arms in displeasure, as the glass column of the middle pair got filled nearly up to the top.  
\- Is it over?  
\- Pretty much - Stan replied - And now the guy will tell that they won a yacht cruise, or weekend at some hotel, or something equally pricey.  
\- That's soo romantic!  
\- Be real, kiddo, it's TV, it's all made up. - Stan barked - You see these two, all kissing and stuff? Once the curtains fall, they all gonna start hating each other. They cancel the cruise, or hotel, or whatever, and the studio doesn't have to pay for it.  
\- Oh come on, Grunkle Stan, it can't be THAT bad.  
  
To Dipper's surprise, Stan yanked the remote from Mabel's hands, switching to the infamous gossip channel, MTZ. The fast-pacing camera movements followed what looked like the same couple that a moment ago won, now storming out of the back entrance of a TV studio, arguing along the way.

\- Wait, what? - Dipper moved closer to the screen - They can't be the same people!  
\- What did you expect, Dipper? It sells, so their gonna broadcast it. Oh come on, Mabel, stop crying. - Stan gently patted his grand-niece's head. - You're not gonna find love in reality shows.  
\- Mr. Pines, can I get a pat too? - Soos took off his hat and leaned to Stan's other side.  
\- Maybe later.  
  
The loud discussion caught the attention of a fifth inhabitant and the fourth Pines of Mystery Shack, Ford.

\- What's going on? Don't tell me the laserdisc drive is broken, I just fixed it-  
  
The group at the couch got silent when Ford's face turned white and he rushed to the screen, practically glueing his eyes to it.

\- Ford, what the heck?  
\- It's him!

Moving aside, Ford pointed to the presenter of the show, giving his weekly interview, babbling to no end about the saucy, behind-the-scenes bits of trivia about contestants.

\- I know this man. Well, a "man" is a bit of an exaggeration. - Ford explained, turning to his family - He's an alien, his name is Agrok Buzma. At least that's what his name was last time.  
\- Woah. Did he do something bad, Grunkle Ford? - Mabel asked, eager to hear his explanation.  
\- He's a conman, that's who he is. Wanted in ten clusters for all kinds of wrong doing. Can you believe that he tried selling a medium-sized solar system, and not once, but twice? I nearly caught him, but he got away.  
\- Grunkle Ford, you've never mentioned you were a cop! - Dipper shouted, scooting closer to him.  
\- Yeah, Ford, nice to hear I've got a snitch for a brother!  
\- Oh come on, Stanley, I had to pick up bounty-hunting when I was... away. I thought that I could outsmart him...

Ford turned his face away to the man dressed in a suit matching the same extraordinarily vibrant pink from before.

\- Mr Ford, do you think he wants to have revenge on you?  
\- I don't think so, Soos. I never told him where I'm from. - Ford scratched his beard - And if what I'm seeing is correct, he might be trying to get away with another one of his swindels.  
\- Woah, woah, woah. - Stan interrupted - I think you said something about a bounty before, brother.  
\- Well isn't that opportunistic, Stanley. Ford groaned - A conman trying to get another conman in jail. What example are you giving to Dipper and Mabel?  
  
Two youngest Pines jumped from their seats to Ford's neck, tugging his sweater back and forth.

\- Grunkle Ford, can we please help you capture the space conman?  
\- Please, Grunkle Ford! I need a new topic for "What I did during holidays" anyway! Last year my teacher did not believe I met a unicorn.  
\- I'm actually terrified of this, but I just want to belong - Soos said, once he jumped to the group.

From the middle of the Pines fluff pile, Ford gave Stan a stern look, before begrudgingly agreeing to his brother's idea, perhaps just to be able to move again.

* * *

 

The group sat in Ford's basement, watching recorded episodes of the show over and over, trying to understand his nefarious plan.

\- See these pink glass tubes? I have a feeling that is not just coloured water. - Ford paused the video and pointed to the screen  
\- Hah. Mabel told me it was liquid "loove" - Dipper mocked his sister, who blew her tongue to him in return - So what is it, Grunkle Ford? Some sort of dangerous chemical?  
\- I'm afraid your sister might be right. This is love.  
\- Ha! Who's the nerd now, Dip? alpha twin! Alpha twin! - Mabel chanted  
\- Well, it's not so much as love, as memories of love. - Ford continued - See, Agrok wasn't just a conman, he was also a smuggler. An emotion smuggler, and empatovore, a creature that feeds on feelings. He got his hands on an equipment to suck up emotional memories, very similar to the one I, uh, used on Stan.  
\- And what would he do with it?  
\- He was going to steal people's emotions and then sell them to, well, needy people. Those who think they can substitute love with money. Quite a profitable market, you can imagine. Never got to pull that scheme off, but I'm going to bet he finally found a place to harvest.  
  
Ford leaned on his swivel chair, staring at the TV show host.

\- Any idea how we are going to get him? - Dipper asked cautiously  
\- Here's what I've been thinking. - Ford suddenly jumped to his feet - I'm gonna have to sneak behind the scenes to see how does the machine work. But I will also need someone to take part in the show to distract him.  
\- Try Mabel. She's switching boyfriends left, right and centre.  
\- I am not! - Mabel retorted - I only had five this Summer.  
\- I don't think you remember, Mabel. - Ford interrupted - The more two people love each other, the more valuable their emotions are, so we can't have you and, uh, your current boyfriend. But you can accompany me in the sneaky business.

Mabel cheered loudly, as Ford gave her a wide smile. He sat back in his chair and begun thinking out loud.

\- Now, we need the contestants. Let's see... Stan is, let's face it, a bit too old to be a plausible candidate, Soos and his girlfriend are out of the way for obvious reasons, that leaves us with...  


* * *

 

\- Wendy and Dipper, you are next in line of questions, you have a minute to prepare! - Agrok announced, patting the backs of John and Hannah, who stepped out from two booths in the middle of the scene  
\- Remember, dude, we have to act like we are a couple. - Wendy whispered. - Got the list I gave you?  
\- I, I think so. - Dipper stammered, rummaging through his pockets.  
\- Good, now give me a kiss.  
  
If Dipper was afraid of his performance before, then Wendy's order completely threw him off.

\- Wait, wha-  
\- Oh, just get over it.  
  
For the next few seconds, the world around Dipper seemed to slow down, as Wendy leaned and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. The smell of her very subtle perfume has overwhelmed him, and only when she playfully flicked his chin, Dipper realised he had his mouth open the whole time.

The round of applause brought him back to reality, when Dipper found himself being lead into the closed chamber by Agrok's assistant, dressed from head to feet in pink. The door of the cabin closed behind him, cutting him off from the rest of the studio, apart from Agrok's voice.

\- You've got two minutes to answer correctly as many questions about your unending looove as possible! Are you ready, Dipper?  
  
Even though it was the only source of sound in the booth, his voice seemed far-away, as Dipper's mind wandered off to all the times he spent with Wendy, remembering each and every single little detail he obsessed about. And even though he shouldn't, he felt brave.

\- Oh yeah, let's do this!  


* * *

  
\- Favourite old movie?  
\- "The night the Moon was spinning like crazy", 1951

\- Weapon of choice?  
\- Hatchet, 16 inches long, 1.2 pounds. Short, but very versatile, ideal for throwing.  
  
\- Favourite song?  
\- "Chop, chop, chop" by Lumberzacks, but she wouldn't admit it. 

* * *

 

Behind the scenes of the quiz, a different show took place. Two guards lay down in a semi-unconscious state, their mouths overflowing with sparkly, pink Smile Dip and two cards saying "We're sorry" pinned to their uniforms. With Mabel keeping guard, Ford was able to inspect the large machinery that took most of the space hidden from viewers.

\- I knew it!  
  
Triumphantly, Ford raised from the open hatch of the machine, holding a counter, still connected to the device.

\- This thing is measuring the emotions of the poor people as we speak. Once the contestants win, it sucks them in one go. So that's how he chooses his prey... How are Wendy and Dipper doing?  
  
Pulling the curtains slightly, Mabel peeked again to check on her brother's score.

\- Pretty good! - Mabel stated, once she turned back to Ford. - No surprise here, Dipper used to be completely crazy about her! Wendy not so much, though. I mean, she-  
  
Mabel flinched, when Ford dropped his screwdriver, making a loud, metallic noise upon impact. Before she could react, Ford grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her towards him.

\- Wait, what did you say?  
\- Uh, that Dipper was crazy about her?  
  
Ford's face turned properly white from fear, preventing him from finding a response for a moment.

\- Are-Are these two dating? Were they dating, kissing, whatever?  
\- Well, Dipper *was* in love with Wendy. - Mabel admitted, fidgeting with her hair - Pretty much everyone knew about it. But that was long time ago, and you know, Wendy kinda gave him a cold shoulder. And, you know, I think he kinda got over it.

The more Mabel told about Dipper's ex-crush, the less confident she was in her own words, and so was Ford. Suddenly, a very vivid memory of Wendy's name flashing through the screen during the scan of Dipper's memory came back to Ford, who clutched his head in panic.

\- I should have asked him about that! He just said that they're not dating. - Ford kicked the metallic support beam in anger - Even if he forget all about it, which I doubt, he's in a grave danger. And so is Wendy, we need to intervene!  


* * *

 

\- And let's see the results! - Agrok announced loudly, freeing Wendy from her chamber - Dipper answered twenty out of twenty questions about you, while you gave... three correct answers. Not the best score, but we've certainly seen worse. Am I right, guys?

Agrok turned to Hermenegilde and Gottfried, arguing at the end of the scene, seemingly in different languages.

\- I thought so. Well, given that, let's fill the Looooove Tubes!  
  
A loud, buzzing noise filled the stage, as the liquid in three containers shifted their position, giving Wendy and Dipper a second place so far.

\- So, our lovebirds have had their chance to test their knowledge about each other, but ultimately, the thrill is in a chase! Our contestants will have to find each other in a maze, and only those who know each other best will be able to do so!

The audience cheered and gasped, as the decorations on stage change position to make place for a long, winded labyrinth, filled with enormous, but goofy-looking traps and pit-falls with green TV ooze.

\- Okay, Dip, that's not bad. - Wendy whispered - We got second place, and let's stick to that.  
\- Yeah, we're gonna do this, Wendy, I'll do my best.  
\- I do wonder if Ford and Mabel found what they were looking for.

Dipper looked to the side of the audience where his sister and Grunkle were sitting, and to his surprise, he saw their places empty. Curiously, it took him a moment to remember what they were suppose to do, but he blamed the stress for it. Still, Dipper couldn't understand how could he forget about the mission to capture the alien host staying just a couple meters away...

 

* * *

Underneath the scene, Mabel and Ford were rummaging through the odd items in Agrok's crammed control room. It would seem that Agrok spent quite some time on Earth, as his desk was filled with cassettes with old soap operas, TV shows and other products of pop-culture Mabel found very interesting.  
  
\- Grunkle Ford, what's that? - she asked, pulling a rectangular object with knobs around it.  
\- A communicator, Mabel! Like a cell phone, except this one has all the connections disabled... - Ford explained, poking various parts of the device's screen. - Let me see... I think Agrok doesn't want the Interstellar Government to trace him down... Too bad someone's gonna call them from this very machine, ha!

* * *

Dipper's thoughts were once again interrupted, when Wendy poked him, signalling their turn. Wendy and Dipper stood on the opposite sides of the giant maze and were given safety helmets with small cameras on top and headphones. On Agrok's sign, the two launched into the labyrinth, trying to get to its centre. Of cours,e none of the routes went straight there; Dipper nearly caught himself in the plastic jaws of plastic crocodiles with plastic teeth, when he tried turning right. Wendy expertly jumped over progressively wider green rivers filled with the sticky goo, but was an inch away from getting pinned to the wall with Cupid's arrows.

\- Dipper, where are you?  
  
Wendy shouted, only to realise that she couldn't locate Dipper's voice. The large helmet over her head transmitted it through microphone, giving her no signal where her friend was.

\- I'm near the trap with the giant hearts. Have you been there?  
\- A minute ago, we must have missed each other. - she replied - Dipper, I don't know what to do with this one.  
  
She looked at the bizarre, wooden structure with different handles and levers, and decided to step inside it.

\- Did you try pulling one of it see what happens?

In response, Dipper heard a loud "crack" and a piercing, blood-freezing scream of Wendy calling for help.  
  
\- Well, well, well, looks like the lumberjill fell into her own trap! - Agrok's voice boomed in his ears, but not before Dipper threw the helmet off his head and followed Wendy's real, unobstructed voice.

He noticed her trapped in wooden crate, suspended high above the pool of green goo. What was worse, the trap was not stationary, but rose high in the air.

\- Don't worry, Wendy, I'm coming for you!  
\- Ah, but I think we have some illegal move here, contestants are required to wear helmets all the time - Agrok said in slightly cocky voice over the speakers.  
\- Health and safety be damned! - Dipper screamed, climbing onto nearby structure seeing Wendy's cage right underneath it.  
  
Dipper was quite sure that in his life he hasn't jumped that far, nor that he has ever felt for life that much. With two broken Cupid's arrows in his hands, he landed on the cage, and begun fiddling with its lock. Behind the wooden bars, he saw the stunning, green eyes of Wendy shouting at him.

\- Dipper, what are you doing?  
\- What? I'm saving you! Give me a moment to open it.  
  
As if on command, the hatch of the cage opened, letting Wendy escape and clutch Dipper's shoulders.

\- Dipper, this is a show!  
\- I know, hang on!  
  
Having no idea what her friend was doing, Wendy listened to him and held to his smaller body, wondering what he was about to do. The answer became obvious, when she saw Dipper trying to cut one of the lines keeping the cage above the ground with his pocket knife.

\- No, no, no, Dipper, don't do thaaaat!

To the horror of audience and the other contestants, with a loud "snap" the cage plummeted towards the green ooze, but it was nothing compared to the whooshing sound of the air in Wendy's ears, as the two soared through the air, her hanging on Dipper, and Dipper hanging on the line. The terrifying moment lasted only a couple of seconds, and ended when the two crash-landed on the very same platform Dipper jumped from a moment earlier.

\- Wendy! Wendy, are you okay?  
  
Dipper rushed to his friend, lying on the ground with a grimace on her face. But as he came closer, it became obvious that it wasn't a sign of pain, but of anger.

\- Dipper! What the hell was that? - Wendy snapped - What's gotten into you?!  
\- I... - he stammered - I was saving you, Wendy! I couldn't let that cage fell with you...  
\- Dipper, it's a show. - she repeated - You were supposed to pull the lever on the ground, or something. I wasn't in any danger. Dipper, that was really, really...  
\- ... FANTASTIC!  
  
A loud voice boomed from the speakers around the scene, as the lights centred on Dipper and Wendy's figures.

\- A man rushing to save his loved one from a deadly trap, missing the obvious solution and deciding to prove his manliness? Well, if that's not love, then I don't know what that was!

Dipper and Wendy looked to their right, and saw the pink tube with their names filling all the way to the top.

\- Dipper... - Wendy cried - Please tell me you're not... You don't...  
\- Of course I do love you, Wendy, I cannot hide it, can't just forget about it!  
\- But you forgot why are we here! - she grabbed his shoulders and shook him - We were supposed to catch him and don't win!  
\- Oh? Well that changes everything.  
  
In one moment, the lights around the studio went out, drowning the panicked audience in darkness. Curtain fell on the stage, cutting it off from the rest of the building.

\- I must admit, I did not expect that anyone would find out about my plan. - Dipper and Wendy flinched, when Agrok's figure emerged from the shadow. - You humans are really stupid. So you two love-brids wanted to catch me pink-handed, but you forgot what my weapon is?  
  
Before either Wendy, or Dipper could react, Agrok pulled a large gun from his behind and shoot a beam of pinkish light towards Dipper, who first stood up to prevent it from hitting Wendy. A think, pinkish aura surrounded Dipper, making him fell to the floor, unable to move. As the beam grew in length, the glow around Dipper's body grew in size, and soon begun sipping towards the empty container in Agrok's gun.  
  
And then, Dipper started asking himself questions. Why did he do that? Why did he risk his life for woman, who told him she did not love him? And not once, but several times? Why would he do something so stupid? Why did he lost so much time thinking about her, dreaming about their future that would never happen?

Somewhere around him, a man laughed, and a woman cried.  
  
Then, several things happened in quick succession. The same beam from Agrok's gun hit Wendy, but unlike Dipper, who lay motionlessly on the floor, in near catatonic state, she got to her knees, and ran towards Agrok, to his deepest surprise. The gun worked, as another aura begun forming around Wendy's body, but that did not stop her in the slightest. A blueish-green beam begun sipping into the container, making Agrok nearly drop the gun from his hand.

\- But, how? You should be drained of your love! Don't you love him?  
  
One last thing Agrok remembered before passing out, was the right hook of Wendy Corduroy hitting him. He never heard her answer.  
  
\- Dipper, Dipper, please, wake up! - Wendy cried once she kneeled by Dipper's body  
\- Dipper? Dipper!

A second voice filled the room. Mabel pines rushed to Wendy's side, her eyes equally filled with tears.

\- What... what happened to him?  
\- He was hit by this thing. - Ford explained, taking the gun from Agrok's body. - Wendy, step aside, I'll have to-

He stopped for a moment, as he saw her glowing figure.

\- Wait, you got hit as well? Oh dear, that's not good.  
\- Where the hell have you two been? - Wendy shouted through tears - I don't know what happened to Dipper!  
\- We've been trying to dismantle the pump. - Mabel explained, tugging on Wendy's shirt - But grunkle Ford told that it would be better to leave it to the, uh, Space Police... And then we went to search his room, and then the light went off, and we knew something bad happened.

Ford cursed under his breath, examining Agrok's gun.

\- Okay, I think I managed to reverse it, but I can't be sure. The thing is, he wanted to extract emotions from one of you, and ended up draining both. I don't know if-  
\- What about Dipper? - Wendy cried - Will it work for him?

It took a minute for Ford to answer.

\- I sure hope so.

He pointed the gun towards Dipper, and gently pressed the trigger. The blue-green-pink beam hit Dipper, and to lesser extent Wendy, slowly emptying the container. As soon as Ford stopped firing, he rushed to his grand-nephew's body, to see if his method worked.

\- Guys, I, I don't feel fine either - Wedny suddenly grabbed her head, and lay back, supporting herself with her other arm.  
\- That's normal, you have just been hit with lots of conflicting emotions. Mabel, help her.

While Ford checked Dipper's pulse, Mabel pulled her backpack to secure Wendy, who fortunately didn't require that much help.  
  
Somewhere around Dipper pines, a man was speaking to him loudly.

\- Dipper, Dipper, can you hear me?  
\- Grunkle... Ford?  
\- Dipper! - Mabel rushed to his brother, throwing his arms around him.  
  
But then, a third pair of arms joined them, the one Dipper sought for the most.

\- Dude, don't scare us next time. We thought you were gone.  
\- Wendy... Mabel... Wait, what happened?  
  
Before either of them could answer, a searing pain shot through his skull, oddly enough, answering the questions he asked.

And to his horror, much more.

To Mabel and Ford's surprise, Dipper grabbed onto Wendy's shirt, and begun chanting something under his breath.

\- I'm so, so sorry Wendy that I screwed up and that I... I...  
\- Don't worry, Dipper, I get it.

Wendy gently patted him on his head, and pulled him into a hug.

Suddenly, an odd beeping filled the stage, causing Ford to spring to his feet. He pulled a large, rectangular device from his pocket and placed it on the ground, giving his friends a warning not to stare directly at it. In a split of a second, in the middle of the ruined stage, a portal appeared, drowning the room with white, blinding light. The irregular beeps of Ford's communicator became a steady signal, loud enough that it woke up Agrok, who suddenly found himself facing not one, but two of his old enemies.

\- Oh, no, not you! - Agrok shouted, shifting his eyes from Ford and the creature that stepped out of the portal.

It was a weird, purple looking humanoid with black eyes and three arms. Out of the four humans on the stage, only Ford didn't look surprised, while Mabel, Dipper and even Wendy took a step back.

\- Agrok Buzma. - the alien spoke in even, cold voice. - It has been quite a lot of time, hasn't it?

A pair of ethereal-looking handcuffs appeared out of nowhere, sealing themselves around Agrok's appendages. The alien saw Ford stepping towards it, and moved one of his arms to greet him.

\- We haven't seen in equally long time, Ford. I see that you finally found your way to your home planet.  
\- Yes, I did. And I finally got the guy that put me in so much trouble.

Ford stepped back, when Agrok's restrained body was levitated through the portal.

\- Thank you for your cooperation. We will contact you once we judge his crimes. - the alien stated - I think it would be wise for you to keep his communicator. I don't think Earth's technology is powerful enough to contact us yet.  
\- Sure do, officer.  
  
Ford replied and shook the alien's arm again, as the portal closed behind it. He took a good, long look at the half-destroyed stage.

\- Well, it didn't go exactly as we planned it, but we got him. - Ford cheered - Come on, we need to clean this mess, but more importantly, take you home.

He offered Wendy his shoulder, but the lumberjill was a bit busy taking care of Dipper, who in his state needed a bit more help than she did. One step at a time, the four adventurers left for the exit.

* * *

Two figures were sitting on the porch of the Mystery Shack, slowly licking ice-cream cones taken from the fridge.

\- How do you feel, man? - Wendy asked, giving Dipper a slight poke.  
\- I... I don't know - he replied - Wendy, I'm sorry I screwed up, I didn't mean to.  
\- Chill out, Dip, I... I get it. - she replied, finally seeing Dipper's eyes he kept hidden from her for the large part of the day.  
\- I guess it's really hard for me to forget my feelings about you.  
\- I know, right? It's like that bit about white elephants. - Wendy added out of the blue, gathering Dipper's attention.  
\- About what?  
\- Dipper, whatever you do, don't think about white elephants. - Wendy snapped her fingers - Quick, what are you thinking about?  
\- Uh, white elephants, I guess.  
\- See? It's your brain that screwed up, not you. - she ruffled his hair and gave him a quick nudge  
  
They both took a lick of their ice-cream, before Wendy admitted somewhat sheepishly.  
  
\- And you know, I think I now know how you felt then, when I, uh, kinda gave you a cold shoulder.

Dipper stared into Wendy's face, despite the fact that the lumberjill made effort to avoid his eyes.  
  
\- No one ever gave me one, so I wasn't sure how you are going to handle it. - she continued. - It's a bit different than breaking up, when... someone didn't even give you a chance.  
\- Wendy, it's al-right. I'm the one to blame anyway.  
\- Yeah, but if I didn't....  
\- But I DID, Wendy...  
  
Wendy jumped a bit when she felt Dipper's hand on her shoulder. To her surprise, Dipper's face wasn't filled with astonishment, or typical uneasiness of his that showed up whenever she was around. In his eyes she saw understanding, and even though he was still the same dorky friend of hers, Dipper Pines looked different.

\- Thanks, Dipper.  
  
She pulled him into a long, consolatory hug.  
  
\- No hard feelings?  
\- No, no whatsoever. - Wendy smiled.  
\- That race was awesome. - Dipper changed the subject, watching as Wendy;s face brightens  
\- Oh yeah. But you gotta train to be faster, you know. I could show you a trick or two.  
\- Really?  
\- Sure. Wake up early, like around 6 am. It's not gonna be that hot. Oh, and bring that playlist, you showed me, I love listening to that group. I'm gonna train you the Courduroy style.

* * *

 

  
\- That's all, high inspector. I'm afraid me and, uh, my team, couldn't salvage more than just these containers.  
  
In the basement of Mystery Shack, an inter-dimensional portal was opened, one that remained Ford very much of the one that removed him from his home planet for decades.

\- Interesting. - a vaguely humanoid alien pondered, looking at the pinkish glass - Are you sure nothing else remained of Agrok's collection?  
\- Well, others were sold or destroyed, and my team had some of the memories drained, but, eh, it wasn't exactly love. It was some murky, blue-green mess. We returned the memories to them, of course, as well as other contestants.  
\- Oh? Well, I think you just passed on much better deal than the one with us, Ford.  
\- Whaddya mean?  
\- If I'm not mistaken, and as an empatovore I am rarely wrong when it comes to emotions, Agrok was extracting just love. But than can be so easily faked, so many substitutes available. True love grows for years, through friendship, conflicts, laughter and sadness. Don't know what Agrok stumbled upon with your partners, but if he knew what to look for, he'd probably have fought ten times stronger for it.  
  
The alien stepped away from portal. A moment later its three elongated appendages took a container from a shelf Ford saw at the far end of the warehouse and brought it up front.

\- That looks like the one taken from Wendy and Dipper - Ford's eyes widened, as he saw the green-blue substance twirling in the glass container.  
\- It is difficult to spot love amongst other emotions. You shouldn't blame them. - he stated calmly

The alien pressed two of his arms to both ends of the container. The motionless mix of colours begun moving, forming complex, geometric patterns with occasional new colours popping up on the borders of different layers.

\- Er, if I may ask, what are you doing? - Ford inquired, hoping the container wouldn't explode him in the face.  
\- Localised time manipulation. We have permission, before you ask. - the alien replied in the same, cold, monotone voice - Ten or so Earth solar cycle units, give it or take. Ah, there it is.  
  
a pinkish blog surfaced, easing its way between other colours, forming a multicoloured, delicate, fractal-like patterns, that made Ford's eyes grew wide.

\- Of course, it would be equally easy for me to imagine a future when love doesn't bloom. Quite a lot of disturbances here. But, if what you saw was right, then it was a perfect starting point for it, if I have ever seen one.  
\- Heh, good for them, I guess. - Ford stroked his chin. - Thank you, for, uh, for showing me that.  
\- Aren't you forgetting something?  
  
Ford looked into the alien's black eyes, trying desperately to remember what other kind of breaking news he could get, after the last one.  
  
\- Your payment. - the alien moved the edges of his head orifice that formed a smile-like shape, and gave Ford a small package.

* * *

\- Guys, I just got in touch with the Inspectorate. And... uh, where's Dipper? And Wendy? I want to speak with them.  
\- They went jogging or something. - Mabel shrugged her arms, staring blankly at the TV screen - Dipper spent last night putting songs on his phone. Why do you ask?

Ford smiled under his breath.  
  
\- Eh, doesn't matter now. I've got a decade or so to tell them.

Hearing his voice, Stan rushed from the kitchen to interrogate him.  
  
\- So, what about that bounty, eh? Did you get it?  
\- Well, the good news is that the Interstellar High Inspectorate has acknowledged it, despite my expired bounty hunter license.  
\- Ford! Oh, dear brother of mine, you finally did something worthy of Pines name! How could I ever doubt in you? - Stan shouted, pulling Ford into a deep, but short hug - Now, where's the moolah?  
\- I'm afraid they gave it to me in some form of Earth money I don't quite understand.  
  
Ford took a single flash drive from his pocket

\- Now, can anyone tell me what "Frogcoin" is?

**Author's Note:**

> Laserdiscs are real. They're awesome, Google them. 
> 
> MTZ is an obvious stab at a celebrity gossip programme TMZ, mixed with MTV. Don't Google them.
> 
> Frogcoin is a combination of Dogecoin, a cryptocurrency, and "Pepe the frog", whose pictures somehow got so popular, that they became a currency on 4chan's /b/ board (DO NOT GOOGLE IT)
> 
> "Chop, chop, chop" by Lumberzacks is a song from "Milo Murphy's Law" GOOGLE THIS SHOW A LOT. 
> 
> Read on tumblr ([x](http://nautiscarader.tumblr.com/post/163705126835/wendip-week-day-6-fake-relationship)) and FF ([x](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12597504/1/Wendip-Week-2017-day-6-Fake-relationship))


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